tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62555884679915468592024-03-13T20:50:16.648+00:00Becoming Butterfly in RemissionMy observations on life in general as well as how I'm learning to come to terms with my new normal now that I am in remission from Acute Leukaemia. I see life as a journey not a destination and so far mine has been very eventful!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-69366717014116302302017-09-19T16:56:00.000+01:002017-09-19T16:56:12.574+01:00Hello ~ Please come on over to my Blog's New Home!!!Many thanks for stopping by...My Blog has moved over to ~ Click on this link! <a href="https://butterflyinremission.wordpress.com/">My New Home</a><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-78044883564556495192017-08-27T21:37:00.002+01:002017-08-27T21:37:59.410+01:00The Double Edged Sword Analogy - By A Cancer Survivor <h2 style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<b><i>MY VERY OWN DOUBLE EDGED SWORD - HOW LUCKY I AM?</i></b></h2>
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I wrote this quote a while ago to sum up my feelings as a blood cancer survivor.</div>
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Writing has been a great therapy for me relieving bottled up stress by putting my thoughts down on to 'paper' and out of my over active mind. Both rewarding and cathartic and the realisation of a childhood dream. This post explains what is behind it.</div>
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When I planned this I'd found myself using the phrase 'Double Edged Sword' a lot when describing my life since being diagnosed with Acute Leukaemia. Much as it was and still is a devastating diagnosis there are many positive things that have come into my life now. </div>
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I've been asked many times how my life has changed since and I've always tried to put together an answer that would sum it up but actually for me its hard to define. The following may help you understand my thoughts;</div>
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<b>Here are the negatives;</b></div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Long terms effects of chemotherapy </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Fear of secondary cancer due to intense chemo</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Loss of my job</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Loss of confidence in my body and health</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Issues with my balance leading to embarrassing moments</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Extreme fatigue & muscle waste</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Sleep disturbance</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Cognitive brain problems</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Relationship changes</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">My changed image, hair loss</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">PTSD and GAD</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Financial impact</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">My daughter's emotions</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Friendship changes</li>
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<b>But then all of the wonderful positives;</b></div>
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<li>New friendships</li>
<li>Renewing old, lost friendships</li>
<li>Inner strength and pride that I never had before</li>
<li>Clarity on my life and what it really means to me</li>
<li>Perspective, its a relief to understand what is truly important</li>
<li>Guilt free happiness</li>
<li>Volunteering as a Charity Ambassador and fundraising </li>
<li>Finding out how rewarding helping others is when I hear the impact my support has had on their life</li>
<li>The confidence to write...a childhood dream of mine</li>
<li>Touching gestures of kindness and generosity that I will cherish forever</li>
<li>Educating myself and achieving new goals</li>
<li>Inspiring others and being inspired</li>
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I was chatting to a fellow AML survivor recently and as we were sharing our experiences she proceeded to tell me that overall she is happier with her life now, since her diagnosis. Even though she is constantly living with the fear of relapse overall her life is better. Hearing this was great because finally there was someone else with similar thoughts to me. It's not something I've really admitted to many people because it's a strange conclusion to come to after something so life changing. But it seems that after being given a second chance at life everything has become much clearer to me which is a wonderful feeling, something I'd struggled to see before. At times I would have this fear that my life would pass by before I'd figured it all out, what my legacy should be. Now I know what I want to do, need to do and I've achieved so much in the past 18 months. </div>
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I looked up the definition of this Idiom;<br />
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<li>Collins English Dictionary - Something has negative effects as well as positive effects.</li>
<li>Oxford Dictionary - A situation or course of action having both positive and negative effects.</li>
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This is why I often say 'Double Edged Sword'</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-45166717305702404632017-08-27T15:15:00.002+01:002017-08-27T15:15:47.693+01:00Words & Life Quotes to Inspire ... #amwriting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I have always loved reading quotes and often go to them when I am feeling a little low and in need of inspiration. Here are some written by me...I find it extremely therapeutic and my go to stress buster.</div>
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Mine are written from my life experiences and being a Leukaemia survivor, Mum, wife, friend and obsessive with a varied career background there is quite a lot for me to draw from...enjoy</div>
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Hope you have enjoyed these and at least felt a little inspired or less alone...please leave a comment as I would love to hear from you...Butterfly<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-87261104162358850162017-06-01T15:38:00.000+01:002017-06-01T15:52:32.505+01:00A Fusion of a Fighter and Survivor<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Am I survivor or a fighter... or am I both? </b></span><br />
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So this is something I have given a lot of thought to and since writing this post I've realised that, after everything I've been through, I am a 'Fusion of a Fighter and Survivor'. <br />
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In the cancer community some class themselves as survivors and some as fighters so this is something I have been contemplating lately. When I started to break down my thoughts and feelings after writing a bio for a social media platform I found myself relating to both. This may seem trivial but an interesting subject to explore. Once I started to develop this post I actually found that it is not as black and white as I'd thought. Especially before I was diagnosed, I just assumed you were one or the other...I believe this subject is applicable to anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis or suffered any other traumatic life changing event.<br />
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<i><b>Firstly I looked up the dictionary definition both words;</b></i></div>
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<i>Survivor - a person who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship or setbacks. </i></div>
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<i>Fighter - a person who has determination, and courage, a person who fights for example cancer or is a boxer.</i></div>
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<i>I can certainly relate to both...</i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>My Experience</b></span><br />
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So yes I'm in remission and I have survived the brutal chemotherapy which in itself can be life threatening so I am a survivor, right?<br />
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While my body was fighting the Leukaemia my mind wasn't contemplating the enormity of it all. Mentally I was purely focused on getting through each seemingly unending and grim day. I've since come to the conclusion that my mind was protecting me from the devastating reality of my disease, not something I did intentionally but it meant that I tolerated all of the setbacks and alarming moments along the way. It's only since finishing treatment that everything has taken its toll. The mind is a very complex thing and survival instinct is something you don't even know you have until you are thrown into a life or death situation. At this point I was a fighter, fighting to live, a very basic thing. I hadn't yet reached the point where I could class myself as a survivor, not until my treatment had finished at least.<br />
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Once my treatment had finished I very much felt like a survivor and with that came a feeling of euphoria, strength and pride, part of a 'club' I was more than happy to be a member of. I very much felt that my fight was over and that my life would be like it used to be however, as more time has passed it's dawned on me that I am still fighting...emotionally, physically and psychologically. Even if I was cured I'd still be fighting the after effects of the whole devastating experience. I really had no idea I would feel like this back when I was first home from the hospital.</div>
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There are periods of time when I am fairly at peace with my new life, feeling empowered because of what I have achieved then suddenly something will spark off a flash back and from that a downward spiral of negative thoughts flood in so I have to fight back to acceptance again. That acceptance being that I even had cancer in the first place, that cancer belongs to me now, that it did happen to me and that cancer will forever be part of me.<br />
<br />
It is certainly a battle trying to get across that you are still very much recovering when on the outside you look ok. Often I feel like I don't belong anymore, when conversations leave me feeling totally alone, misunderstood or when friends chat about the future and all I can think is 'I don't even know if I will be here in 5 years time'. These are friends I still have so much in common with apart from this great big black cloud that follows me around so I am regularly fighting to keep my emotions under control.<br />
<br />
Yet the survivor part of me means I am driven to do what I can, help in any way I can which has lead to becoming an Ambassador for the blood cancer charity Bloodwise. My husband and I have done lots of fundraising and supported others going through the cancer journey. I no longer doubt my worth or what my life should be about and that is a wonderful feeling. <br />
<b><br /></b>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Am I a Survivor of Fighter?</b></span><br />
<br />
So it seems that I am in a cycle of surviving and fighting...perhaps all survivors are fighters in one way or another? And even though you have survived something you still have to fight to move on from it.<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-760t6io2jPQ/WS_7y08QkdI/AAAAAAAAXmM/V5AgNrO7JHopwDBgdG18JLyVDzmVl0gqwCLcB/s1600/survivorfighter2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-760t6io2jPQ/WS_7y08QkdI/AAAAAAAAXmM/V5AgNrO7JHopwDBgdG18JLyVDzmVl0gqwCLcB/s320/survivorfighter2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>I would love to hear your thoughts on this...please leave a comment below...</i>ButterflyinRemission<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-31265191981619283822017-05-29T17:26:00.002+01:002017-05-29T17:26:29.294+01:00Productive Escapism - A different Perspective on Spring Cleaning<h3 style="text-align: center;">
While having yet another clear out I started to think about why I get such a buzz out of it and how beneficial it is in the long run. </h3>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
Mainly a bit of escapism from whatever stresses I have going on while being incredibly productive really boosting my mood.</h3>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ki6Vm_orlNs/WSxIqAFh-7I/AAAAAAAAXls/xNKU0eH49Mkif_C1Z1FUiO2IAO2cwH1lwCLcB/s1600/moodbooster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ki6Vm_orlNs/WSxIqAFh-7I/AAAAAAAAXls/xNKU0eH49Mkif_C1Z1FUiO2IAO2cwH1lwCLcB/s200/moodbooster.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: justify;">Bear with me on this...at first you may think 'yeah in an ideal world' or 'if I ever had the time' but believe me I too am one of those busy working Mums who is out every night taking my daughter to dancing, tuition or doing my voluntary charity work, blogging as well as running my home. And I know there are always many more pressing things that are a priority however, there is a method to my madness!</span><br />
<span style="text-align: justify;"><br /></span><span style="text-align: justify;">Previously, I've only ever had a major sort out a couple of times a year because it has become so out of control that I keep putting it off. My intentions this time is to get to a point where it is not a colossal undertaking because everything is organised well enough that I can put things in the right place from the start! One of the key things is to have a place for everything then you don't stuff it in a drawer or cupboard with lots of other random things. </span><br />
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-m9DZueWfzZc/WQB4uhHOK9I/AAAAAAAAXAI/GxO-sxhts6U4xw3nrxWbDIBXwRLfQ5oSACLcB/s200/17858130_10154787929129191_1158098252_n.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>The first thing I do is get myself a cuppa!</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b>WHY IT IS WORTH IT</b><br />
<br />
Most of us live extremely busy lives whether we have children or not, regardless of how many hours we work or our hobbies so during busy times I find myself shoving things in drawers, baskets, random places etc to sort out later, but that later never seems to come. Then I find myself losing important things, I know they are in the house somewhere but they could be in one of several places. After wasting too much of my valuable time searching for something I promise myself I will once and for all get everything in order. To date this is something I have never achieved and probably never will 100% but I'm going to have a very good try! This whole process has taken me about three weeks</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Some points to keep you motivated;</span></i></b></div>
<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;">It helps me to feel more in control and more optimistic about being less stressed going forward because I will have everything to hand pretty quickly.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Finding things I've forgotten about (in the past when I've brought something and shoved it away in a rush I lose or forget about it) - a lovely feeling, like getting new stuff again!</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Finding items that have been lost; losing them has been driving me mad so I feel elated when I come across them</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Not feeling that everything is a mess, every corner, every cupboard, drawer, it may not be in view but I know it is there...taunting me, telling me it needs my attention.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Feeling inspired as I come across articles I've pulled out, ideas I've jotted down, coming across things that trigger old memories, like a photo, card from my daughter when she was little, old notes, project ideas I've forgotten about, make up I haven't used for ages, etc. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">It takes me away from my everyday stresses for a little while, a really good way of mentally detoxing or escaping temporarily. This form of distraction is both productive and rewarding. Giving you a mental break from worrying which I find really helpful and calming. Often this break then gives me a new perspective on problems I've been struggling to solve.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Stress buster; if I am dealing with some of life's frustrations I find it helps me to clear those emotions out.</li>
</ul>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>Here are some tips I'd like to pass on;</i></b></span><br />
<br />
Be prepared for the mess! There will be lots of mess as you need to make lots of different piles and spread things around before you start to make progress. View this as a positive mess, a productive mess and remember why you are doing it.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3QKnxSLr39c/WQB6daCzv5I/AAAAAAAAXAU/D_yFvsdo3xAN3is3KBmwJcV4r3uLYUPuQCLcB/s1600/17888093_10154793740934191_910782213_n%2B%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3QKnxSLr39c/WQB6daCzv5I/AAAAAAAAXAU/D_yFvsdo3xAN3is3KBmwJcV4r3uLYUPuQCLcB/s200/17888093_10154793740934191_910782213_n%2B%25281%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The start of my mess!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<ul>
<li><b>Be prepared;</b> get some tubs, empty files, a plastic carrier bag (for putting recycling paper in to throw away) and some large A4/A3 envelopes (to put documents to shred in). </li>
</ul>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: bold;">MY TIP</b><b>; </b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Label boxes, folders, tins, etc so that you <span style="text-align: justify;">don't have </span></span></i><br />
<span style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">to open every one to find out what is in them or find the one</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><i>you are looking for.</i></span><br />
<span style="text-align: justify;"><br /></span></div>
<ul>
<li><b>Get the family on board</b>; by this I mean let them know what you are planning and not to move anything or place anything on top of your piles...also to bear with the mess!</li>
<li><b>The piles I usually make</b>; general filing, to shred (goes into envelope), paper to throw (straight into carrier bag which I hang on chair nearby), scrapbook stuff, booklets/magazines to go through, receipts to file, for my household file (where I file bills, warranties, school info, insurance info, registrations, appliance serial no's and registrations, medical info, etc), not sure pile (to go through when I've finished), to check with my husband if he still wants/needs and whatever else is relevant for you.</li>
<li><b>I can recommend</b> the Ikea furniture range, Kallax - in a small house like ours I have found this range so versatile and you can fit a lot of different things in. From papers, craft supplies and household filing to spare cables, beauty electronics and food. We have these in my daughter's bedroom, on our landing and in our Kitchen Diner.</li>
</ul>
<ol>
</ol>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2oEQTYQ4AGA/WQB3PqpefTI/AAAAAAAAW_8/_twswBQXttQ8gbo2f2qs0ISAi-_NGR27wCLcB/s1600/17857923_10154787929309191_150935272_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2oEQTYQ4AGA/WQB3PqpefTI/AAAAAAAAW_8/_twswBQXttQ8gbo2f2qs0ISAi-_NGR27wCLcB/s200/17857923_10154787929309191_150935272_n.jpg" width="150" /></a><br />
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My Ikea unit, with baskets, deep storage bins, box files, etc</div>
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(still a work in progress)</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-K_-4HDgl9mM/WQWvTvh9vFI/AAAAAAAAXEc/_ns04Xn3AcEIf38ZjzbkcCzD3TTwnudngCLcB/s1600/18217357_10154853216944191_923814919_n%2B%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-K_-4HDgl9mM/WQWvTvh9vFI/AAAAAAAAXEc/_ns04Xn3AcEIf38ZjzbkcCzD3TTwnudngCLcB/s200/18217357_10154853216944191_923814919_n%2B%25282%2529.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another of my Ikea units</td></tr>
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<ul>
<li>Quite often when I get in from shopping, tired and hungry I put (or if I am honest 'shove') what I've purchased somewhere, anywhere and then forget where. So now I have a place, which is easy to get to where I will put them from now on. Then I can go straight back to this place later. This idea stemmed from a recent experience with a Mother's Day gift, I'd put it somewhere out of the way then had to spend a stressful hour looking for it...well no more.</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: bold;">MY TIP;</b> <i><span style="font-size: large;">Think about the things you need to get to on a daily basis and put them in places close to hand then items you rarely use in harder to get to places. I find that if something is hard to get to it is too temping not to bother and it will also be the same when putting things away when you are busy. So make sure your place where you plan to put things that you regularly need to put away like your child's school homework in an 'easy to get to place'</span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<ul><ul><ul>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><b>A 'Christmas Drawer'</b>; I now have one of these (actually I borrowed this idea from my Mum) I put anything relating to Christmas in it. For example, random things that I come across<span style="text-align: start;"> after I've packed</span><span style="text-align: start;"> my decorations away in the loft (there is always those odd decorations that have dropped behind something), presents I've purchased early, left over cards, labels and stickers so nearer the time I can check if I need to buy any more, craft bits so I can start them before I need to get all the decorations out of the loft.</span></li>
</ul>
<ol>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: bold;">MY TIP;</b> <span style="font-size: large;">T<i>ake photos of the decorations you have before you </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>put them in your loft and then put the pics in your Christmas drawer so you don't forget what you have! This is something</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> I do after several years of forgetting what I had, purchasing</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> more new bits only to find I already have lots of lovely decorations! I also photograph and the decorations when</i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i> they are in situ at Christmas so I don't forget how I've used </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>them and add these pics to my drawer too. </i></span><b> </b></div>
<ol><ol><ul>
</ul>
<ol>
</ol>
</ol>
</ol>
<ul>
<li><b>My 'Where to find it' list;</b> </li>
</ul>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2l34dagsXKw/WSw-mZCm11I/AAAAAAAAXlc/JNlBlkKpJY4dSGxKvN0SIcCfPaZARgRuACLcB/s1600/where.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="484" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2l34dagsXKw/WSw-mZCm11I/AAAAAAAAXlc/JNlBlkKpJY4dSGxKvN0SIcCfPaZARgRuACLcB/s320/where.jpg" width="242" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>After spending hours in the past hunting for something that I don't use very often I have devised a 'where to find things sheet'. Because I don't use a particular item very often I can't always remember where I've stored it. I kept making the same mistake...wasting my valuable time searching for things. It would be something like my camera tripod or seasonal items. Then I had a light bulb moment, (probably in the middle of the night) and the next day I created it. The sheet goes in my 'Household file' which is easy to get to, I even add things that seem insignificant because you never know. I am pleased to report that my sheet has saved me time, no end of times now!! </li>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><u>IN CONCLUSION</u></b><br />
<ul>
</ul>
<div>
<b>Doing this has given me real boost, I feel like it has been a cleansing and enriching experience.</b><br />
<b>I hope I have inspired you to give it a go and if I can do it...anyone can!!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Please leave your thoughts below!! Many thanks... <i>ButterflyinRemission</i></b><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-69465320056135142842017-04-23T19:44:00.001+01:002017-04-23T19:45:49.862+01:00Behind a Writer's Eyes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
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Written to express how it feels for me most of the time as I am constantly composing quotes, blog posts, the book I dream of publishing and much more! I seem to be bombarded by inspiration every waking moment which leads to a very confused mind as I don't know where to start. So I make notes all of the time trying to keep hold of my thoughts wondering if everyone has this problem or if it's just me.</div>
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This is what's behind my writer's eyes...so much more than you'd imagine! </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-37270128568527309292017-04-23T17:04:00.000+01:002017-04-23T17:04:35.311+01:00Social Media - My Gateway to Positivity<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I've written this about my experience of Social Media and of course I can only speak for myself but I wanted to put my thought and feelings out there for others to read. I've titled this post 'MY GATEWAY TO POSITIVITY' because it has been exactly that for me. Also I am fully aware of all of the down sides and that some use it in a negative way and for that I feel very sorry. Sadly not everyone wants to spread positive vibes or help each other and this is not just a Social Media phenomena.<br />
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<b><i><u>My Social Media Experience - Support & Friendship</u></i></b><br />
<br />
Over the past couple of years social media has become a big part of my life, a great source of support, enabling me to link up with like minded people which has been invaluable. I cannot express how much of a positive this has been for me and it's like anything, you get out of it what you put into it. Plus as a blogger it's a crucial tool to both reach out to your audience and interact with fellow writers.<br />
<br />
'Life is a funny old thing', 'You never know what's around the corner' and 'Never say never' are phrases that really resonate as my life is now. And they can also be related to my experience of Social Media, I admit that when I first signed up to Twitter and Instagram I was sceptical, suspicious, didn't understand how to use them nor did I see the point to them! In fact I signed up, tried them briefly, then gave up for about two years. So if I can change my perspective then anyone can.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DiQOtNcXkiY/WPy1eQBS42I/AAAAAAAAW44/TlR1FTUFoqIUcBaC6Pbw5zJh1rQbQhY1gCLcB/s1600/hello.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DiQOtNcXkiY/WPy1eQBS42I/AAAAAAAAW44/TlR1FTUFoqIUcBaC6Pbw5zJh1rQbQhY1gCLcB/s320/hello.jpg" width="242" /></a></div>
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Before my Leukaemia diagnosis I never would have guessed that Social Media would actually become my virtual support group...the gateway to much needed friendships and information making a big contribution to my mental well being. As the Leukaemia I have is rare for someone my age I found it an invaluable way of finding others like me, who I can really relate to. Others have reached out to me this way after seeing my story in the press and magazines, we have been able to share our experiences, offer each other support through the tough times. We also laugh about situations only we can see the funny side in.<br />
<br />
Facebook and Twitter really helped at the time of my shock, overnight, Leukaemia diagnosis. I received an overwhelming number of messages of support from friends, colleagues, associates, family and other surprising sources. My heart melted at the sentiments, offers of help and outpouring of love as I read them all from my hospital bed. Before this I had no idea that so many people cared, it was so uplifting and spurred me on to fight harder. Old friends, whom I'd lost touch with reached out to me and people who had seen my story via a mutual friend's timeline felt compelled to wish me well. Even now, if I am feeling a little low, I look back over them to remind myself of what's important.<br />
<br />
The updates me and my family were able to post were really comforting to everyone who was worried about my condition which was touch and go. Rather than spending hours on the phone returning calls this was done quickly and efficiently relieving a lot of pressure from my family.<br />
<br />
Personally for me it was really important to be able to thank each person for their support, it had meant the world to me and I wanted them to know. When I was well enough I had conversations via Messenger and DM boosting my morale as I was hospitalised for 6 months, in isolation, unable to have visitors, it was incredibly lonely at times.<br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
Some of the support I've had is from 'social media' friends that to start of with were fellow supporters of Britain's Got Talent winners Collabro and they have stayed with me throughout. Sending me some wonderful messages and making donations to the charity I'm an Ambassador for, so heartwarming. Also the band members of Collabro have tweeted messages of support and recorded a video clip wishing me well, in my darkest hours these were very much appreciated. Even though I was battling through the worst time in my life these small things gave me something to smile about.<br />
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There are private Facebook groups where I can express me feelings amongst those who are like minded and have shared my life experiences. This is a brilliant facility on Facebook that is used by clubs, support groups, businesses, to plan surprise parties and much more.<br />
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<i><u><b>Blogging and Social Media</b></u></i><br />
<br />
When I decided I wanted to write a blog about my experience I wanted to reach out to others, help myself come to terms with my new life and realise my dream of being a writer. Social Media has been a very effective way of meeting other bloggers, networking, gaining help, information and chatting about a subject we are mutually interested in. There are Facebook groups for bloggers which are a fantastic way of finding other blogs and gaining followers for yours. In these groups you can ask for help, advice and chat all things blogging with those who are also passionate about it. I find this really invaluable.<br />
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An old work colleague contacted me after reading my blog sending me this message through Facebook; </div>
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I may not have met a lot of these friends face to face but we chat regularly, this is often the way of making friends now in the modern world. I often see conversations held amongst those who have 'met' over a common interest, whether its a TV show like The Walking Dead, Poldark or Sherlock, blogging, sport, writing, etc. Sometimes they have been able to meet up and have talked about how it felt so natural, like seeing an old friend. For those who are fans of popular TV shows they often 'live tweet' which is basically like sitting in a room together watching it, sharing theories and opinions. Sometimes actors from the shows get involved too, is lots of fun and brings people together.</div>
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In a way it is just a more effective way of finding people who you have something more in common with. <br />
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<i><u><b>Help and Advice on Social Media</b></u></i><br />
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Social Media is a great source of help, advice and information quickly and efficiently too. Obviously you have to be guarded and sensible about it but you can tap into other people's knowledge on pretty much any subject. For customer service with businesses it is an efficient way to resolve any issues and I've received excellent assistance from major brands. I have also given positive feedback whenever I have been really happy with a product or service.<br />
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A couple of years ago I used Twitter to help me sort out an out of stock issue that I'd been unable to resolve (I'm a Pharmacy Technician). Very quickly I received lots of suggestions from other technicians and was able to track down an alternative. I know of others who have managed to track down an elusive and highly sought after item of clothing this way.<br />
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In the aftermath terrorist attacks or natural disasters Facebook now has a way you can mark yourself as safe or out of the area. So if you would normally be in that area or it is near where you live you can very quickly let everyone know you are safe and also check on people you are worried about.</div>
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<b><i><u>To Sum Up</u></i></b><br />
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As I've mentioned I am aware that social media has its negatives with cyber bullying by keyboard warriors but, there is always going to be those people in the world and I for one am not going to let it outweigh the many positives. As long as we are careful, listen and take on board the safety measures for using social media that can all be kept to a minimum. Don't read or get involved in negative feeds and always think twice before positing anything. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-11624665480834659152017-04-06T13:50:00.000+01:002017-04-06T15:08:11.846+01:00The Reality of Chemo Hair loss - 'It Just Isn't Me'<div style="text-align: justify;">
I've been prompted to write this post after being asked to talk on BBC Radio Lincolnshire's Melvyn Prior show about cancer and hair loss. I also tuned into the Jeremy Vine show on BBC Radio Two as they too were discussing it.</div>
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When Victoria Derbyshire took her wig off in her video diary my mind flashed back to my experience. As I was in hospital for 6 months during my Leukaemia treatment I never felt the need for a wig so opted for the chemo hats. They became my shield to hide behind so when I first went out without one showing the world my new extremely short hair I felt naked and exposed. Even though I am not on the TV like Victoria Derbyshire, going out in my local community and doing the school run was very daunting. Victoria is very brave sharing this moment online in front of thousands of viewers. When she said 'this just isn't me' immediately I felt empathy with her and her words pretty much summed it up for me. </div>
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I've decided to be brave and share this photo of me, it's one I don't even look at myself as it's pretty awful.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was what was left of my hair, not a good moment, <br />
just before my lovely hairdresser shaved it off.</td></tr>
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Hair loss from chemotherapy may to some seem like a necessary part of survival and of course it is but equally feeling bad about it is not about vanity either. At first I hid my bald head from my daughter because I didn't want to scare her and I will never forget that moment when she first saw it (which was by accident). It was one of many tough moments but she was very brave and kind saying 'it's ok Mummy...I'm ok Mummy.' When it first started to grow back she wouldn't touch it for a long while. </div>
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My head would get so sweaty that I needed a towel on my pillow, I'm not sure if this was due to having no hair or my treatment but it was quite embarrassing, especially while I was in hospital! When I was at home I would often have to wipe my head with tissue...I remember thinking 'this is what men who are bald must have to do'. I realise this may sound a little bad to admit but it's what crossed my mind and as a woman you don't expect to experience this (sorry bald men, no offence meant).</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Before my diagnosis</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My hairdresser cut my hair off<br />
before it started to fall out</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With my best hat on!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In hospital with my first head scarf</td></tr>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">One of the most upsetting things which has really affected my confidence in the beginning was that people didn't recognise me. I'm not talking about people you haven't seen in years but those who saw me pretty much everyday before my diagnosis. I would have to stop them and re-introduce myself however, after a while I wouldn't bother because I was afraid that they still wouldn't remember me. Irrational I know but we've all had that moment when someone looks at you blankly, even once you have explained how you know them so when this happens on a daily basis you get paranoid. I still have this fear now when I see people in the street even though most are used to my new look.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">Then there was the period where it was very short, like a crew cut and I felt really unfeminine. I realised that my hair had been what had made me feel like a woman and that I had enjoyed using it to express myself. Having long hair had meant I could change my 'style' depending on how I was feeling, giving me power and confidence. If I was feeling low I could spend time styling my hair in a way that would lift my mood and put a smile on my face. A lot of women know how special you feel when you have your hair put up at the hair salon ready for a special occasion, like a mask, changing your persona for a night. </span><span style="text-align: justify;">Of course if you like to have your hair really short, or have decided to have a drastic make over that is a different thing altogether. You've made that decision and I am not saying that short hair equals unfeminine, in fact I've always admired short styles on women like Halle Berry and Charlize Theron, they are two of the most beautiful women in my opinion. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">When I look back at pictures of myself before my diagnosis I can't relate to that person anymore, she's lost, seemingly forever. Although I feel close to that person I just can't quite find her, I find this very unsettling and I'm still grieving for her. </span><span style="text-align: justify;"> One of the many emotions I've felt from my hair loss is feeling lost because I don't even recognise myself. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">One time I saw myself in the mirror and thought to myself 'yeah, you definitely look like you have cancer.'</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: justify;">Thinking back to the two hours my husband and mum spent combing out my matted hair in hospital is upsetting. </span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">I had been gravely ill for a few weeks so as my hair had been falling out I'd been bed bound therefore not showering or combing my hair.</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> I can still remember how much it hurt and see the massive pile of hair on the bed next to me. They were both silent, trying to be as gentle as they could, trying not to break down while I just wanted it to be over. You could have heard a pin drop in that hospital room. I didn't want to look in the mirror after because I was scared of what I would see, but I did and I gritted my teeth.</span></div>
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I've experienced lots of milestones with my hair regrowth which to many may seem minor but as they happened represented part of my recovery; like the first time I washed my hair with shampoo (I'd just been using baby wipes to clean my head for months!), the first time I felt the wind blow my hair, the first time I could get a clip in it, the first time I could wrap a towel around it, used my hairdryer again, and had it trimmed, felt it touching my face again. Things I took for granted before.</div>
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Over the past 18 months since finishing my treatment I have spoken to many fellow cancer fighters and survivors and one of the most common phrases I hear is 'it's about control'. For the first time in your life you have no control over your hair. Often it grows back differently, curly, thinner, thicker or a different colour. I thought I would grow mine back to the length it was before but it suddenly dawned on me one day that it would take 3 or 4 years and this never crossed my mind when I first lost my hair, all I could think of was getting back to the old me. That is something I now know will never happen either will my identity or personality. The 'new normal' is something I am still trying to understand and some to terms with.</div>
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I could write so much more but am conscious of this post being too long! I would love to hear your thoughts or if you've felt the same as me so please leave your comments below...many thanks!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-64309883264439651702017-04-01T16:24:00.000+01:002017-04-04T10:47:08.801+01:00Setting the Scene - Where it began<div style="text-align: justify;">
MY ROAD TO ACUTE LEUKAEMIA AND WHERE I AM NOW...<br />
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I've just looked back over the first few posts I wrote on this blog and although they are still relevant I felt I should write a bit of a summary of my journey so far and how I ended up in this position. It is rather a long story and to say a lot has happened would be an understatement!</div>
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Before I start though as I've used the word 'journey' it has reminded me of one of my favourite quotes;<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've loved this quote for a long time, long before my diagnosis.</td></tr>
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So 20th April 2015, a date I will never forget, it's one of those dates like a major world event such as the Sept 11th terror attacks. In fact I will probably remember it more easily than an important family birthday! I had been feeling unwell for about 10 days with what I can only describe as flu like symptoms. Except I had a rash all over my chest, my neck was really painful and I had heavy menstrual bleeding (which was unusual for me). Of course at the time I had no idea it was blood cancer but looking back the warning signs I now know were there. This scenario I have now heard numerous times from other AML survivors and sadly from families of those for whom diagnosis came too late. Survival rates for this highly aggressive type of Leukaemia are still dismally low with the best chance of a cure involving highly toxic, intensive chemotherapy and sometimes a gruelling stem cell transplant.</div>
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As my symptoms weren't improving it did start to cross my mind that, considering my usual good health, perhaps I should seek medical advice. On the Saturday and with my neck being stiff and painful, the fever, sweats and rash I decided to go to the out of hours GP service thinking there was a slim chance it could be meningitis. I'm not one for rushing to the doctors for every minor thing but on this occasion felt I should get checked out. After questioning me and an examination the GP diagnosed a viral infection. </div>
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Having already had one week off work I had to go to my local GP surgery for a sick note and as I wasn't any better I was examined by their nurse practitioner. We discussed my symptoms and while nothing was conclusive she put it down to an infection and gave me antibiotics. There was no explanation though what was causing my neck pain which was getting worse (turns out this was my bone marrow causing pain due to the significantly raised volume white blood cells of AML). As I was about to leave the room the nurse suggested I have my bloods done as a precaution...this decision saved my life. I left the surgery and nearly didn't go to the lab (which is at the local hospital) to have my blood test as I was convinced that once the antibiotics kicked in I would be fine. But something made me go...I remember chatting to the phlebotomist without a care in the world, apart from feeling really poorly. No idea that I was suffering from Leukaemia, sepsis and my kidneys were in trouble.</div>
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That evening my mobile rang and it was a private number, I was in bed so nearly ignored it. It was my GP who calmly explained that I needed to go to hospital straight away and that if I was on my own he would call an ambulance. He knew it was suspected Leukaemia as the laboratory had escalated my case to the on call Haematologist and they had then called him. Having seen my blood results whilst I was researching my case it makes for scary reading. Because Leukaemia has to be confirmed via a bone marrow biopsy he told me there was something wrong with my blood and as my husband drove me to the hospital, 45 minutes away, those words were running through my mind as I tried to work out what he meant, never once did I think blood cancer. Cancer did cross my husbands mind and I remember him asking the nurses that night what they were treating me for, he was told sepsis which was true but it was Leukaemia that was causing it. The nurses and consultant who treated me through the night were pretty sure what it was too, I look back now at the concern on all their faces and now I understand why.</div>
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When we had arrived at the hospital the team on the ward were waiting and got to work on me immediately taking lots of bloods, putting me on antibiotics and fluids. I was just grateful that finally they would make me better as I was fed up of feeling so rough...little did I know! Throughout the night I had more bloods and antibiotics and was moved into a side room in the middle of the night. Yet still it never crossed my mind that I was dangerously ill!<br />
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The next morning I had the first of many bone marrow biopsies yet still I didn't think it was anything too serious and certainly not life threatening. Not long after that a Consultant Haematologist came into my room, she had tears in her eyes as she told be I had very aggressive Leukaemia, I was gravely ill, would need chemotherapy straight away, wouldn't be going home for weeks, asked if my family was complete as my fertility would be affected, and the list went on. I now know that I had 90% bone marrow failure and had been referred to Palliative care, no wonder that consultant looked so upset.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In hospital during my first cycle of chemotherapy when I was very ill</td></tr>
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Over the next 6 months I had 4 cycles of high dose, intense chemotherapy with lots of complications, scans, tests, unbearable pain, frightening and sad moments, set backs, weight loss, blood and platelet transfusions and lots more. But finally in September 2015 I came home to start to put my life and body back together but still with visits to the hospital every two weeks initially, now I go every 8 weeks. This is to check my bloods for any signs that the Leukaemia has returned, being in remission does not mean you are cured or that the cancer has completely gone.<br />
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I'm an Ambassador for the blood cancer charity Bloodwise which I love because after I had been at home recovering for a little while it dawned on me that I needed to use my second chance at life in a positive way, I couldn't waste the gift I'd been given. I spent hours researching about my disease and blood cancer in general so that I had a good understanding of it and although scary at times it was empowering. I want to raise awareness of the signs and symptoms as well as blood cancer in general, inspire those going through tough times not to give up, use my experience to help with studies and trial information and much, much more.<br />
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I also started to write quotes to help me express how I feel, quite often there are lots of thoughts flying around in my head so I find this process very helpful.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wrote this to express how I felt being in remission</td></tr>
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There has been many changes including friendships, work, my goals and outlook on life and my most surprisingly perhaps, my personality. There's been some highs and lows with the realisation that my life had changed so much that it all feels like it's not mine anymore. Coming to terms with life with the Leukaemia is many things and I write about it in this blog. It helps me to put my feelings down 'on paper' and I want others to read my blog and have that feeling of relief you get when you realise 'phew it's not just me'. I have found that whenever I have found that the feelings I've been having are similar to someone else's that it has really helped me move on and feel more settled. <br />
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Many thanks for taking the time to visit my blog...please keep coming back to me...Butterfly x<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-92231170685530368502017-03-07T10:18:00.000+00:002017-06-01T08:41:46.727+01:00Toe Tapping, Tears, Laughter & Nudity...a night at The Girls Musical<div style="text-align: justify;">
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My family and I know first hand how unbelievably tough fighting Leukaemia is and as a Bloodwise Ambassador my husband, sister, brother in law and I were invited to a special showing of Tim Firth's and Gary Barlow's The Girls Musical at the Phoenix Theatre in London's West End. Having heard lots of great things about the show I was more than pleased to go along. It certainly didn't disappoint...it was hilarious, uplifting and an emotional roller coaster.</div>
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On arrival it was lovely to see the outside of the theatre adorned with Sunflowers which have now become the emblem for the Calendar Girls. The original ladies are never seen without wearing one and it has been adopted by many including the army of Gary Barlow fans who were waiting outside the theatre. For me and I'm sure others it now represents hope and light in what is often a dark time for people affected by blood cancer. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Phoenix Theatre all dressed up!</td></tr>
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John Baker's words...</div>
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<i><b>"The flowers of Yorkshire are like the women of Yorkshire. Every stage of their growth has its own beauty, but the last phase is the most glorious. Wherever light is, no matter how weak, these flowers will find it and that's an admirable thing. And such a life lesson." </b></i></div>
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Which is why the Sunflower is now as much part of the Calendar Girls as the Calendar itself.</div>
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The Phoenix has quite a small auditorium and I wander if this added to the down to earth vibe of the show. Being so seemingly close all the 'action' certainly made me feel like I was part of something special. Or was it purely that I felt an affinity to the story as a Leukaemia survivor who has met the Calendar Girls a couple of times? Either way there's no denying the reaction of other audience members and the standing ovation at the end so I'm not alone in loving it!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cast members with Gary Barlow and Tim Firth (source @thegirlsmusical)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me with the Calendar Girls</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me chatting to The Calendar Girls at a Bloodwise event</td></tr>
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We all know what sparked off this amazing story, a family man, happily going about his day to day business was given the devastating news that he had blood cancer. John Baker was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma in 1998 and sadly passed away after just a few months treatment.</div>
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This story is not just about a group of women who sold lots of nude calendars. What really comes across in the musical is a community coming together and women overcoming various personal challenges with the aim to help others in their darkest hour. I feel nothing but admiration not only for the original ladies but also the actresses who were naked on stage. Lets face it none of us like to go to the local swimming pool in our swim costume, all our imperfections on display let alone on a very public Calendar or on a West End stage! I may have bravely endured the brutal treatment for Leukaemia but I think these ladies are very courageous. </div>
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Accompanied by shrieks of laughter the clever choreography and positioning of props made the photo shoot scene simply hilarious. It really felt like they were doing it for the first and only time as the original Calendar Girls did, not that they do this for every show! From the emotions conveyed by the cast I believed they were thoroughly enjoying every moment and they have a real empathy to the story. Perhaps this was due to their brilliant acting abilities and the language used by Tim Firth but still. The young actors were very impressive too and I'm sure I will be seeing a lot more of them in the future.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of the nude photo shoots on stage (source @thegirlsmusical)</td></tr>
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There were moments when I could really feel the pain of John's battle yet also his passion for life and wonderful sense of humour. As I looked at those around me the tears were flowing but accompanied by smiles. From what I have read about John it would have been exactly how he would have liked it, he wouldn't want anyone to be sad but you can't ignore the fact that tragically he lost his battle too young with so much life to live.<br />
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The writing of Tim Firth and music of Gary Barlow illustrate this story perfectly, summing up the emotional roller coaster that was the birth of the Calendar Girls. As always Gary Barlow's lyrics really moved me, in fact his 'Rule The World' track was played over and over by my husband on his way home from visiting me in hospital where I spent 6 months. The lyrics, especially 'don't leave me now', 'don't fade away' and 'if you stay by my side we can rule the world' particularly resonating.<br />
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The show stayed with me for days and I cannot stress how much you would take away from this show if you went to see it. A reminder of what is really important in life, friendship, support and in the darkest of times managing to find the light, no matter how dim and turning towards it. I too have had so much overwhelming support from my community in many ways, but no naked calendar...yet!<br />
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The show, I am sure, will appeal to anyone affected by any type of cancer, or who has experienced something positive after a tough time. John's family have always been involved and during the whole process the producers and writers have respected their story. Another reason why this musical is so special, everyone has put their hearts into it and it really comes across when you watch it unfold.<br />
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When asked about The Girls Musical...<br />
<b><i>"The musical is absolutely fantastic and John would have been so proud. As a family it helps us believe that he didn't die in vain, that he's been part of it and with us every step of the way. John would have wanted to help other people who get this terrible disease." Angela Baker</i></b></div>
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I haven't watched the film since I was very suddenly diagnosed with an aggressive Leukaemia with only hours to live I had 90% bone marrow failure. Not wanting to unleash all the emotions I keep under tight control. Often I think back to when it all originally started, the Calendar hitting the news, getting worldwide attention, the film. etc and I shiver at the thought that these incredible women, their families and friends would have a part in my future, yet at the time I had no idea what I would face. Thanks to their fundraising for Bloodwise, who've invested millions in life saving research there have been some major advances in blood cancer treatment and outcomes. Words are not enough to express how much this means to me and my family. </div>
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To read more about the original story please click here <a href="https://bloodwise.org.uk/page/calendar-girls-story">Bloodwise and The Calendar Girls</a> To find out more about Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma click here <a href="https://bloodwise.org.uk/understanding-blood-cancers/what-lymphoma">Bloodwise - Understanding Lymphoma</a></div>
For tickets and information click here; <a href="http://www.thegirlsmusical.com/">http://www.thegirlsmusical.com/</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I am currently writing a post about how it all began...A little Calendar Girls History!</i></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Calendar Girls with Dr Dawn Harper at a Bloodwise event I attended</td></tr>
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For more information on Bloodwise formally known as Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research Society Click here ; <a href="https://bloodwise.org.uk/">https://bloodwise.org.uk/</a><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-2416044510679665492017-03-01T11:29:00.000+00:002017-04-11T18:12:04.716+01:00The Truth... To Tell or Not To Tell? <div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Am I really doing the right thing by lying to my child about the reality of life?</span></i></b><br />
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This question often comes into my mind, are we really doing the right thing by protecting our children from the realities of life? Probably because of what my family has been through due to my Leukaemia battle it's more relevant for us.<br />
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We were forced into this dilemma with my daughter when I was very suddenly diagnosed with aggressive Leukaemia. Suddenly we were faced with one of life's realities, mortality. I found I couldn't tell her 'everything will be ok and not to worry' because actually that wasn't true and I couldn't hide it. I was to spend months in hospital and was gravely ill. That safety curtain (which we all know is just a facade) protecting her from experiencing loss, hurt and fear was gone...forever. It wasn't easy and took real courage to ruin my child's rose tinted view of the world. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and to watch her little face as it all sunk in was heartbreaking but I had no choice, I had to prepare her. And now I can't tell her that my cancer won't come back because there is a good chance that it might. Then if it does where will that leave her trust and belief in me?<br />
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I do wonder though if protecting our children from some things is the right thing, is it really preparing them for life? Are we doing them any favours in the long run? Isn't part of being a parent giving your child life skills and preparing them for what might lie ahead? I'm not talking about totally destroying their innocence and happiness but, maybe just being more honest.<br />
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My daughter has a very inquisitive mind and has asked some very unnerving questions. 'Is there going to be a World War 3?' is her latest one. Even though I choose my words carefully I find myself being more honest with her because I don't want her to spend years, like I did, searching for the perfect life that just doesn't exist. I feel that rather than protecting her from the reality I should be telling her that life is full of challenges and heartbreak as well as breathtaking experiences and good times? I feel that as long as I make it clear that there are many amazing things in life as well as times when you question the meaning of it she will believe that when something bad happens she will get through it and perhaps see it as a positive life lesson.</div>
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As a child I grew up believing in fairy tales, often writing my own stories, assuming that when you became an adult you had the career you wanted, found love, got married, had a family and boom...life sorted! And yes of course all the tough times (once I came out of the other side) made me more resilient but could some of these situations have been avoided?<br />
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When in my mid 20's, finding the sudden realities of life really tough, I remember thinking 'Why didn't anyone tell me what life was really like?' At times I wished my parents had been more honest or perhaps more open at least. Some of the realities of life came as a real shock to me and what hit me mostly was feeling desperately let down by life.</div>
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My parents were very good at hiding their struggles and I have since learnt that there were many; the burden of having to make ends meet along with the everyday challenges of life in general. Obviously as a child you see things from a very childish point of view and part of being a grown up is understanding and appreciating what your parents did. I don't think it was a conscious decision on their part but just a natural instinct. When I look back I was totally unaware of any difficulties.</div>
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For my child I want to be her sanctuary, where she can seek refuge and have the confidence to talk openly about her fears. If she has this shelter to retreat to she will always find a way to get through. I want to her to grow up with as happy a life as possible but with her eyes wide open and well equipped to cope with the challenges she will face. I always make sure she knows she is loved even when I am cross with her, this is so important to me above everything.<br />
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As far as I'm concerned this blog is about my thoughts and is in no way meant as me taking the high ground or claiming to be some sort of parenting guru. I am just a mother who is doing the best she can and like the rest of us winging it a lot of the time. Being a parent is one of the toughest things you will ever do so all you can do is your best.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-65357144379928475572017-02-19T21:52:00.000+00:002017-02-19T21:52:02.547+00:00The Creation of 'Multiple Me'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As more time passes I fear I've become a very complex person with many different sides and I don't really know how to make any sense of who I am anymore. Writing about it seems like a good place to start and will give me something to look back on in the future. I seem to flit around like a butterfly, once I've settled on some sort of equilibrium along comes a gust of wind causing me to fly off on a tangent! I can remain unsettled for days and sometimes I am so lost with conflicting thoughts and feelings its hard to do normal day to day things.<br />
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It's dawned on me that I've created several different personalities to fit my new life, the main one being my 'I'm back to normal' one. I haven't done this knowingly but it's become second nature to me. I like to refer to it as 'Multiple Me', a way of defining my new mixed up personality.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Struggling to see who I am</td></tr>
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While hospitalised I developed the 'I'm strong and can cope with all of this personality' which came into play from the moment I was told I had Leukaemia, I never really cried or let myself feel the fear I should have felt. But thinking about it this side of me was part of me before cancer, I was always good in a crisis. There was also a very detached personality and when I look back at the many frightening and painful things that happened while I was having treatment it was obviously a way of dealing with it all. These 'strong' and 'detached' personalities lead those around me to call me brave, it wasn't brave, it was just a coping mechanism. Sometimes I couldn't stand the way people looked at me so this detached side kicked in stopping me from caring. Maybe it was a natural reaction, the power of the mind to enable me to get through the awful treatment. Now these two have taken a bit of a back seat until it comes to my 8 weekly remission check.<br />
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Because my diagnosis was literally overnight with chemotherapy starting within 24 hours and I was extremely close to losing my life so for me there is a lot to process (you can read more about here; <a href="http://annasbloodcancer.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/setting-scene-where-it-began.html">Setting the Scene...the road to where I am now</a>). I read and hear a lot about the 'New Normal' and this is something I can really relate to and I am still trying to pin mine down. At this point I have no idea who I am, who I am meant to be or how I am meant to act. </div>
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I have this very positive upbeat side where I laugh and joke about many things including my illness, I've always had a naughty side and that hasn't changed. There is nothing better then laughing out loud and seeing the funny side of things at the most inappropriate times. I love a comedy that illustrates the funny side of normal life as well as the stupidity and slapstick of TV shows dreamt up by the likes of Keith Lemon. In fact it was one of Keith Lemon's shows that had me in tears of laughter for the first time since my diagnosis when watching TV at home between chemo cycles! My husband was so happy to see me laugh again, it had literally been weeks since I'd so much as smiled. </div>
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When I am talking about my experience in my role as a Bloodwise Ambassador to a room full of people I have my public speaker face. I am very driven to raise awareness and happy to talk openly about what happened, I really admire other people who have done the same and find it really rewarding. When I am speaking at an event I detach myself and tell my story as if it's someone else's, something I never knew I was capable of.<br />
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I find myself switching between these personalities several times a day so it's no wonder I am emotionally exhausted most of the time. I have become very good at hiding behind my smile, at keep my tears at bay, at acting...I deserve an OSCAR so please don't hesitate with the nominations!<br />
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It can be very hard at times knowing which one is the real me...I'm not sure anymore, maybe I am all of them and maybe that is ok. I guess only time will tell. Am I the vulnerable, anxious shell of a person or the warrior who won't be brought down by anything? Am I the person grateful to be alive, totally in love with life and living it a breakneck speed or am I the angry, shell of a person, confused, struggling with fatigue and fighting to get back in control? I HAVE NO IDEA...</div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;">When I look back at this blog it will be interesting to see how or if anything changes.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-21109499096829421932017-02-01T18:24:00.000+00:002017-06-01T08:44:23.676+01:00Actually I have been 'Hit by a Bus' #Leukaemia<div style="text-align: justify;">
As many cancer fighters, survivors and people fighting other life threatening illnesses will know some comments, phrases or misguided efforts at making you feel better actually have the opposite effect. Some now aren't really applicable anymore, this is yet another 'after effect' of cancer...finding phrases and sayings either really resonate, make you want to scream or laugh at the irony.<br />
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One of these comments is the popular 'any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow' ... While I really appreciate that this is meant in the most supportive and compassionate way it actually doesn't help and often leaves me feeling more alone. Before I wrote this I did speak to my fellow cancer friends about it to get a feel for whether or not I was being oversensitive. You see its actually not applicable to us now as we have been hit by that proverbial bus! There are other comments that are also unhelpful but I will write about them in a different post.</div>
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Someone used this phrase the other day and as I watched her walk away all I can think was...'don't you see I have been hit by that bus...don't you get it...it's alright for you because you are walking around thinking it will never happen to you...like I used to too. You have no idea that what you just said makes me want to scream 'It's not applicable to me anymore...can't you see I have been hit!'<br />
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Whenever you cross a road do you not look and make your own decision on whether or not it is safe to cross? Did I make the choice to develop cancer? When you are going about your daily lives you a certain amount of control over your own safety...when crossing a road, standing at a bus stop or driving your car. You can take extra care, look twice or avoid trouble spots. I was in London the other day with friends and when it came to crossing a road funnily enough a bus came speeding along so we stepped back and I actually put my hand on my friends arm to make sure she was out of harms way...it's a natural instinct.<br />
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But when it comes to the 'cancer bus' no amount of being careful or a friends hand on my arm would have changed a thing. I had no control over what my own body did to me, how it turned against me, my own bone marrow. BONE MARROW FAILURE, yes 90% of it was not functioning and without healthy blood cells your body fails, yours organs fail...life fails. Not only that but these dangerous cancer cells were dispersed around my body via my bloodstream, normally a vital but, potentially spreading the cancer all over my body, using each and every vein to infect you.</div>
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Also this 'bus' is likely to come and hit me again...how many times have you heard of someone being hit by a bus twice? I live in fear of being hit again and am constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for its impact.<br />
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When offering words of comfort to someone whose been diagnosed by cancer perhaps think carefully before saying 'Of course any of us could be hit by a bus at any time.' Don't try to generalise it, to make it sound like it doesn't matter, it was inevitable anyway and that being so makes it ok that you've been hit by a life threatening, life changing disease.</div>
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<b><i>So where did this phrase come from anyway?? Here's what I found out;</i></b><br />
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A generic rather than literal example of misfortune, verbal shorthand to indicate that none of us know our future, that a catastrophe is merely an involuntary act of fate. Casually used to refer to an unexpected death, illness, debilitating injury yet without making it seem grim.<br />
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According to Wikipedia it was first used in the novel 'The Secret Agent' by Joseph Conrad; "But just try to understand that it was a pure accident; as much as if he had been run over by a bus while crossing the street."<br />
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This term is also used a lot in business management meaning that there must always be a contingency plan in case someone in the team is taken ill, leaves, etc unexpectedly. And the definition from the newly popular Urban Dictionary is 'Used instead of the word Stupid' For example; 'OMG this mobile is so getting hit by a bus.' when said mobile isn't working properly.<br />
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Thanks for taking time out of your day to read this...<b><i>love Butterfly </i></b><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-89363613191281103782016-11-28T16:33:00.002+00:002017-02-01T17:54:20.301+00:00Honestly & Openly how Cancer affected my Child #Leukaemia<div style="text-align: justify;">
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I was diagnosed with Acute Leukaemia in April 2015, it was very sudden and I was admitted to hospital one night and didn't come home after that for the best part of six months. Obviously every situation is different, but things that helped us cope as a family may help others who have just had a cancer diagnosis. There are bleak and overwhelming times when I felt completely hopeless and really couldn't see an end to my daughter's devastation, but now I am glad to say she has come out of the other side. Although recently when I was leaving for the hospital to have my bloods checked she was anxious to know that someone would come and get her from school if my cancer had returned, she knows enough about it to know that I would need immediate treatment as an in patient.<br />
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This has turned out to be a fairly long post but I would ask you to take the time to read it all if you find yourself in a similar position as I was. This is an open and honest account of our experience, what worked and what we tried out. If I'd have found a post such as this I would have felt less anxious about my child's emotional state.<br />
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I found it hard to get help and advice as most is aimed at children who have cancer or a sibling who has cancer. While these did help explaining what cancer is and some of the procedures they didn't give any coping strategies. Unfortunately the NHS referral from her GP meant being passed around as funding is an issue at the moment. I am working on some tools which I hope to publish online to share what we learnt especially from a child's point of view...from my daughter to another child who's parent is going through cancer treatment.</div>
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This is something I have actually lived through and comes from the heart, not a booklet or healthcare professional. Of course all of these sources have their place, but I believe that nothing helps more than hearing from someone who has actually walked in your shoes. I did listen Macmillan, looked online and read leaflets to give myself some background on where to start helping my daughter to cope. However, I knew my child better than anyone, what would and wouldn't help us. It's was the same when she was a baby, I listened to advice but my instincts as a mother often took over.<br />
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My daughter is bright and doesn't miss and thing so I knew I wouldn't be able to hide anything from her. The one time I did she said 'I knew you were hiding something from me Mummy.' I found that keeping things from her just made her worry more so being honest was best and talking it through, answering her questions and reassuring her.</div>
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I have to admit that I was a bit of a coward when I first told my 8 year old about my diagnosis. As she sat by my hospital bed I did tell her I had Leukaemia as I couldn't bring myself to say the word cancer and I knew she wouldn't know what Leukaemia was. I'd only known myself a few days so saying it out loud seemed wrong and it was my way of gauging her reaction. She took it really well, I told her that I was very ill but the doctors were doing all they could to make me better. It turned out later though that she hadn't wanted to cry in front of me as she didn't want to upset me. My Macmillan nurse did tell me to be honest from the start as children worry more if they don't know the facts and pick things up from fragments of conversations, she was absolutely right. It was only a few days later that she came back to me telling me that she knew Leukaemia was cancer. </div>
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Through my treatment it was tough, she cried herself to sleep many times, had to stay and friends and family's houses over the weeks but still went to school and dance classes. Keeping these things going was important so that she had normality and could forget for a short time. There was one occasion when she was leaving the ward that she did break down and cling to me refusing to leave. It broke my heart and I did wonder if we were doing the right thing letting her visit me, but in time she got used to it and got to know all of the staff on the ward who were brilliant at making us all feel 'at home'.</div>
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Once I finished my treatment and had been recovering at home for a few weeks things did start to deteriorate. She'd been so strong most of the time through my treatment that now she knew I was at home and getting better all her built up emotions came pouring out. She didn't want to be apart from me so getting her to school was hard, she would even follow me around the house. She needed to know where I was going and when I would be back home, sometimes being naughty which I think was to stop me going out. If I showed attention to another child she would get really jealous, another sign of her insecurity.</div>
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Whenever an advert would come on the television relating to cancer I could see her watching me out of the corner of my eye. Even though these adverts really distressed me I managed to hold it together in front of her. Her reaction made me realise that it was time to face up to what might be going on in her little head. Up to this point we'd decided to let things settle before pushing her to open up.<br />
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I started by reassuring her that it was alright for her to say whatever she was feeling. Her reply to this was that she'd been hiding her worries because she didn't want to make me cry...my heart ached to find that she'd been trying to protect me! Mixed emotions of pride that she was such a kind hearted girl and failure that I hadn't been able to protect her from the harsh realities of life. My first step was reassuring her that she didn't need to worry about my feelings, that as her Mummy, I needed to help her. I added that I too had someone to talk to about my worries.<br />
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In the beginning it did open up a can of worms and sometimes I'd be lost for words, but she seemed to accept that I didn't have all the answers, I have realised that sometimes just about it was enough.<br />
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She took a book to school so that when she was worrying about anything she could write it in the book then I would look at it and we would talk about it at home. She also had a small white board and would write something on that if she found it too hard to say out loud...one of those things was 'I'm scared you're going to die of cancer'... that was hard to see and I had to swallow a lump in my throat! However, this was the moment I knew she trusted me and I would be able to do what every mother wants to do...make her feel better. Don't get me wrong there were some difficult questions to answer and some that would never have crossed my mind.<br />
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Sometimes she wrote letters, in one of them she expressed that she was worried about my legs being weak (my muscles had wasted from the chemo and months spent in hospital), it's surprising what was going on in her mind. Also she had been scared by my PICC line and the things she seen done to me in hospital so we talked about them and why I needed them to make me better. Another thing that bothers her is that I have my bloods checked every 8 weeks for the next 5 years...'it's just such a long time away Mummy.' she told me.</div>
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We also found that letting her get involved with our fundraising helped, it gave her something to focus on as she spent quite a bit of time planning it. It was all her idea, I was really proud of her as she talked about me and Bloodwise in front of the whole school raising £165, it gave her a such a boost. She's been involved in lots of things since.<br />
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Sometimes it strikes me just how strange our life is now, how its changed beyond recognition, how surreal things are at times, how the cancer word just pops into conversation like discussing the weather or whats for tea. <br />
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Time's a great healer and things have improved...believe me at one time I was seriously worried. Like when she started sleeping with a picture of me and cry every single night I really did think we'd never get past it. Now I want to do my best to make her life a happy one, for her to experience lots different things and encourage her to have the confidence to try even if she fails.<br />
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Life is a gift and should be lived fiercely and used wisely...<br />
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I am putting together a 'hints and tips' sheet which I will add to my blog shortly and I have more to write but I'll have to do a separate post for that!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-61662886060625641482016-11-25T14:04:00.000+00:002016-11-25T14:04:24.843+00:00My I Had Cancer Blog Post - Surviving Cancer<br />
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I feel very privileged to be asked to write a post to be published on the I Had Cancer website based in New York! This is a website I have followed and admired for a while so when they contacted me I was more than happy to work with them.<br />
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Here is the link;<br />
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<a href="https://www.ihadcancer.com/h3-blog/09-26-2016/the-3-biggest-milestones-i-cant-wait-to-celebrate-after-cancer">The three biggest milestones I want to celebrate</a><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-56127958961598359842016-10-31T12:32:00.000+00:002016-10-31T12:32:25.889+00:00When getting a cold is frightening!<div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative;">
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Even though I knew its very common at this time of year with the weather changing from summer to winter it was still a big reminder of my compromised health. </span></span>It dragged on for two weeks and though I'm now happy that it was just a bad cold for the first week my thoughts were constantly dragged back to that fateful day in April 2015. The day I was rushed into hospital with what I thought was some sort of nasty flu actually turned out to be Acute Myeloid Leukaemia.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I tried to remember how I'd felt then compared to now but my memory kept failing...probably deep down I didn't want to relive those early days in hospital. l kept thinking 'could this really be happening again? Yes I know it can, this has actually happened to people I know, I have no where to hide...I really am out in the open...unprotected...it got me once...it can get me again.' </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">When I first started to feel unwell I knew this would be the first big test for my new immune system and chemo battered body. Not only was I worried I had relapsed but, also would I end up back in hospital because my body was unable to fight off infection. Then I started thinking about the damage that the very toxic, high dose chemotherapy has done to my body. I know from other patients that its long term effects are life changing and it scares me to think of what might come for me. </span></span><span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The insecurity of not trusting your own body's ability to recover from an everyday cold was a real set back and yet another hurdle I've had to overcome. At times my </span></span><span style="background-color: inherit; color: windowtext;">mind would wander back to when I was in hospital, sick from the chemo, exhausted from lack of food and sleep. </span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having these symptoms again meant I had to be really honest with myself, my biggest fear is that if it comes back it's more than likely a death sentence and very rapidly too. This is the reality of AML and why it is described as one of the most deadly of the blood cancers.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span><span class="EOP SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span></i></div>
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<div class="Paragraph SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" xml:lang="EN-GB">
<span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With another cruel coincidence I started my period which had also happened last time and is a Leukaemia symptom if it is heavier than normal. I was kicking myself that I wasn't sure if it was due or not as I've not really tracked it since being in remission...I now have an app so next time I can reassure myself. This tipped me over the edge and I ended up contacting my Macmillan nurse just for reassurance that I was letting my negative thoughts get the better of me.</span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: inherit; color: windowtext;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I took some paracetamol I felt better meaning was running a temperature, a sign of infection and again a flashback to when I was in hospital. During treatment my temperature would be taken every 4 hours everyday, even through the night as Leukaemia severely compromises the immune system so any infection can be life threatening. If I spiked a temperature IV antibiotics were started immediately and blood samples sent to the lab. I wasn't allowed to take paracetamol during my treatment as it could mask symptoms of an infection so when I was at home between chemo cycles the nurses really stressed not to take any. </span></i></span></div>
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<span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">During my treatment so many everyday things became dangerous to me, even food (I was given a list by the nurses of foods to avoid because they carried bacteria), I became very paranoid about a lot of things. I stopped eating, drinking and even taking the numerous medications I had was very difficult. When they'd have to put me on IV fluids because of this I would be relieved as it meant I wasn't forced to drink anything.</span></span><span class="EOP SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> I wouldn't touch door handles, using tissues to turn on lights and taps! I think when these basic everyday things become the enemy it really messes with your mind and I still have the scars.</span></span></i></div>
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<span class="EOP SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<div class="Paragraph SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" xml:lang="EN-GB">
<span class="TextRun Highlight SCX70855637" lang="EN-GB" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; outline: transparent solid 1px; padding: 0px;" xml:lang="EN-GB"><span class="NormalTextRun SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; background-color: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Another blow came when I was unbelievably saddened to hear that a fellow AML patient who had been in remission had passed away. He'd relapsed and the end came very quickly...there aren't words to explain how sorry I am this happened to them and as I was already feeling low and emotional it hit me hard so I cannot imagine how the family are feeling. </span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So what for others is just an annoying cold for me was actually terrifying and another stark reminder that I'm in remission not cured. A diagnosis like mine is certainly life changing and in many ways. Thankfully it wasn't the return of the Leukaemia...this time.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="EOP SCX70855637" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; -webkit-user-select: text; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope sharing how this felt for me helps others with similar experiences and that perhaps I will get to hear your feelings on this too?</span></i></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-19098210273873170182016-09-06T19:49:00.000+01:002016-09-10T13:51:50.356+01:00Remission - One Year On #Leukaemia<div style="text-align: justify;">
I decided to write this as a year has gone by and I'm still trying to make some sense of it all and I warn you this might end up rambling on! I feel like I have lived several lives in the past year, so many changes, lots of new experiences packed into just twelve months.<br />
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It seems very apt that #BloodCancerAwareness month has coincided with the anniversary of the end of my treatment a year ago for Acute Myeloid Leukaemia.</div>
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When I left the hospital on the day when my neutrophils were finally high enough all I could think about was getting home and never having to leave it again. Still caught in a whirlwind, in denial and waiting to wake up from the nightmare I didn't look too far ahead. I didn't want to know anything about AML, read anyones blog or face up to the whole thing...oh how things have changed! I never dreamed I would be working with Bloodwise, doing radio interviews, attending events, writing a blog, creating quotes, comforting other patients, etc</div>
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I have been thrown into this cancer world which I've done my best to embrace, taking a step back to breathe sometimes and at other times running headlong into it. Mostly it has been kind to me however, I find myself using the phrase 'double edged sword' more and more. It's a world I was so naive about even though people close to me had been through different cancers I totally underestimated the ripple effect of it and how it changes you. Before, I winged it, like we all do, telling myself 'it won't happen to me'. Looking back my husband and I often had conversations after hearing of someone's diagnosis ending them by saying 'you never know who is next' yet still I never dreamed it would be me. <br />
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During the many hours I spent in hospital I fantasized about when my life would get back to normal assuming this would be the case. Well that never happened and I am coming to terms with the fact that I have to build a 'new normal'. I know I have changed, it would be impossible to have been brought back from the brink of death without it having any affect on me. I see things are lot clearer now, what I want to achieve and things I don't want in my life anymore. Emotionally, while I was away from my loved ones...not even being able to hug them at times due to my compromised immunity, I cut myself off. I've struggled to open myself up to affection again and deep down I know I do it to protect them in case I relapse and have to leave them again...possibly forever. Even a year on I don't know if I will ever be able to fully open up and I haven't really cried that much considering, always stopping myself from really letting the emotional me back in. I really don't know how my daughter would cope as I've only just managed to put her back together again.<br />
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Making new friends has been something unexpected but absolutely wonderful, I now have some exceptional, brave, caring and like minded people in my life. I would not know them if it wasn't for this disease. There are some amazing people out there and going through the worst time in my life has definitely restored my faith in humanity. I have experienced some acts of kindness that have really touched me, from the young man who helped push my wheelchair into hospital on the fateful night, I doubt he even remembers! Some have been so generous with money, time and gifts, this means more to me then they will ever know. </div>
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As a child I was always writing, loved stationery and was obsessed with butterflies...was it fate that this happened to me? Now I am writing which means using lots of stationery and while I was in hospital my mum would call me 'Butterfly'. Next the Butterfly logo was created for me and I started calling myself 'Butterfly In Remission'. Not only am I writing this blog but, it has given me the confidence to write original quotes about my feelings and life after my experience. I am also planning to write a book...<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AqbMIoIRJBg/V87HEnYhxbI/AAAAAAAAJf4/pQuEgeaSHgIR7JSiOWAVPd9DptcuRcgIgCLcB/s1600/destiny.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AqbMIoIRJBg/V87HEnYhxbI/AAAAAAAAJf4/pQuEgeaSHgIR7JSiOWAVPd9DptcuRcgIgCLcB/s400/destiny.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Some survivors see their disease as a blessing and I can relate to that, then it hits...the Leukaemia is still lurking in the shadows! I must be mad, unhinged, crazy right? My reasons for relating to what some say is I've always had this need to help others and now I have something that I can really use to help others. If I can help another person going through cancer treatment and make them feel confident and reassured then great. On several occasions I've been contacted by people from all over the UK and abroad, offering the help and advice. They have had nothing but praise for my blog, it's meant they've felt less along...my job is done.</div>
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Learning about my disease and blood cancer in general has reminded me of my passion for discovering new things. Although, don't get me wrong, there has been heart stopping moments like reading the words Palliative Care amongst other scary stuff in my GP notes, finding out that AML is rapidly fatal meaning I had only days to live, what remission really means, survival statistics, etc. Overall though I have really enjoyed researching, talking to my consultant, Macmillan nurse, Bloodwise colleagues and other cancer patients about it. For me understanding and knowing absolutely everything feels empowering and has helped me feel in control of it, I am fully aware of what might happen to me in the future. When I was diagnosed with Leukaemia it was totally out of the blue, such a shock, with what I know now there is nothing that can happen that I am not aware of.</div>
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Even though lately the fatigue and physical weakness has been really getting me down I suppose really I've come a long way compared to where I was this time last year. A year ago my back was sore from spending so long in one place. I couldn't be left alone so had 'baby sitters' all of the time...lately I have missed this even though it was a tough time I look back with very fond memories that I will cherish.<br />
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Right...better stop there...<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-56972049828038787372016-09-03T19:24:00.000+01:002016-09-03T19:24:24.847+01:00#Leukaemia Flyer There are 137 different types of blood cancer so I wouldn't be able to fit all the information about them on one flyer. This one I have created is for Leukaemia...I am planning on creating more on other types of blood cancers.<br />
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Here is the link, click here; <a href="https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B92fcZel8OjDT1ZYa2F5aEd0RlU">Leukaemia Flyer</a><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-77831601864760465212016-08-31T08:32:00.000+01:002016-08-31T08:32:36.430+01:00Bloodwise Impact Day! Sharing my Story!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="text-align: justify;">As part of my Bloodwise Ambassador role I was asked to talk about my experience of blood cancer. I immediately accepted even though I had never done anything like this before as I want to do what I can to help raise awareness etc. At first I didn't know what to include as I only had a 15 minute slot and so much has happened to me since my diagnosis I couldn't decide which aspect to focus on. </span></div>
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The way I was diagnosed and what could be learned from it and the impact of such a sudden diagnosis, the impact on my family especially my daughter and how we are dealing with it, the gruelling treatment and how it felt to spend 5 months in hospital ,living with blood cancer and how it feels to be in remission and regular hospital appointments, what I want to do with my future and how it has changed me.</div>
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Eventually I decided to give a brief summary of what had happened to me and then focus on my Ambassador role, my blog and being positive about my future. I put together some pictures to illustrate my experience and one in particular received some gasps from the audience. I also included a quote I have written to express how I feel about being in remission and was approached by John who had lost his son to Leukaemia. I was so touched and meeting him was great, they have done a lot to raise money for Bloodwise despite what they have been though. He loved my quote and asked if he could use it at an upcoming event he was speaking at. We are now in touch and I will be following his fundraising. </div>
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You can read about what they are doing here; <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/teams/tenfortim">Link to John's story</a></div>
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I saw this quote recently and it reminded me of him, his family, along with others I've met along the way who are so selfless and even though have been through hell still reach out to help others.</div>
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At the event I met some of the Bloodwise people who I have been corresponding with and other Ambassadors. We were able to talk about our experiences which was great for me as it was one of the first times I'd met other patients like me. One lady in particular who has been in remission from AML for 8 years really helped my as she reassured me that my feelings will fade in time. I went home feeling less alone and a lot more positive.</div>
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I found the presentations by Prof C Harrison and Alasdair Rankin really interesting and what I learnt will definitely help me understand the disease and help with the Ambassador role. Prof Harrison spoke about the genetics of the disease in a way that was easy to understand, as I had read a lot about this a lot of it made sense and my understanding improved. Alasdair Rankin who is the Director of Research spoke about what Bloodwise are currently doing and what their future plans are. I was able to chat to them, they were both very happy to answer my questions and were interested in my story. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Bloodwise Candle with Bloodwise Information</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Catriona Taylor from Bloodwise North</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cathy Gilman CEO Bloodwise</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alasdair Rankin - Director of Research</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of Alasdair Rankin's slides</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prof Christine Harrison</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Diana Jupp - Director of Patient Experience</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Three of the original Calendar Girls</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me chatting to the calendar girls</td></tr>
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I was really touched when the Calendar girls who were attending asked me to join them for a chat as they were really impressed by the speech...it was the first time I had done anything like this and they have done lots of these things so I was relieved to hear this. We talked about what happened to me and I explained why I am driven to do what I am doing, their story and things they've done along the way. They are still amazed at how their story struck a chord and took off in the way that it has, to date they have raised around £4 million for Bloodwise. If they had given up and thought, as many of us do, 'what can we do? we're just a small group of people' then all that money and awareness wouldn't have been raised! We spoke about this and I told them that my feelings are that even though I can only do so much, if we all do our little bit it will add up to something really big! I had to ask them about Gary Barlow...I know, not very cool but I did. Their story has now been turned into a musical by him so they've met a few times and had nothing but good things to say about him. I am hoping to go an see the musical soon, I haven't watched the film since I was diagnosed, so far I've avoided it. When I look back to when I first watched it little did I know that one day I would be fighting the disease!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">With 3 of the Calendar Girls</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Talking about my experience</td></tr>
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If you get the chance to go to one of these events next year I strongly recommend you go...maybe I will see you there next time??<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-29362026050792717112016-08-29T19:14:00.000+01:002016-08-29T19:14:21.583+01:00To grow or not to grow...that is the question! Shakespeare for Hair!! <div style="text-align: justify;">
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To grow or not to grow...that is the question! So my hair started growing back a year ago and then I couldn't imagine being in a position to ask myself this. All I wanted then was hair, didn't care what colour, straight or curly...just hair.</div>
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Fast forward a year and I am now starting to ask myself whether to keep it short or grow it long like it used to be. I have a hair appointment coming up so I find myself debating whether to carry on growing it or keep it as it is!</div>
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My hair was a big part of my personality, confidence and femininity before I lost it which actually I had been totally unaware of until it happened. I was never massively confident or full of myself but my hair was the one thing I liked about my appearance. I found the hairbrush I had taken to hospital when I was first admitted, it still had my old hair in it, I felt sick as the memories flooded back.</div>
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At first my reaction was to grow it back to the length it was before, never crossing my mind that I might like it short. However, now I find myself starting to like it after months of just tolerating it, I can do different styles, use nice accessories and choose what I want to do with it. Over the years I had often looked at short styles and really loved them but, I would never have had the guts to cut my hair off...so that's a positive. Everyone has said it suits me and they prefer it to before...are they just humouring me? It dawned on me the other day, thinking about how much it has grown in the past year, that it would take about 5 years to get it to the length it was before. Not sure I have the patience for that!</div>
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I know to some people this may seem a little shallow when my health is what really matters, so what I lost my hair, small price to pay right? Yes of course but, it's not the only thing I have lost. Some I have no control over, this is something I can. I know how it feels to go out in public with 'chemo hair' or with my 'chemo hat' on and it was tough at times. People look at you differently, not in a bad way, always sympathetically but still I felt very self conscious. Often when I met people for the first time, who didn't know what had happened, I wanted to explain to them that my hair style wasn't my choice and that I didn't like it. It wasn't me... </div>
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It's a very personal thing and everyones experience will be different, I get that, this is mine. One thing that upset me the most was people I knew not recognising me, it got so bad that I didn't bother to say hello to avoid the embarrassment of blank looks. I am always honest about how I feel when writing my blog otherwise I don't see the point.</div>
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I came up with this list a while ago, the simple day to day things about hair that we take for granted yet once you've been through chemo hair loss become quite significant.</div>
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<b><i><span style="color: magenta;">Hair milestones,</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="color: magenta;">The first time...</span></i></b><br />
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<li>I needed to wash my hair, after using a baby wipe to wash my head during treatment...yeah baby wipes are also head wipes</li>
<li>I went out without my hat on</li>
<li>I felt the wind moving my fluffy baby hair</li>
<li>I needed to dry my hair with a towel</li>
<li>I had to wrap a towel around my wet hair</li>
<li>I wore a headband and clip</li>
<li>I needed to visit my hairdresser</li>
<li>I used my hairdryer and straighteners</li>
<li>I needed to use a hairbrush rather than just my fingers</li>
<li>Used product on my hair</li>
<li>My daughter was brave enough to touch my hair and it was long enough to play hairdressers again</li>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-58737542464644828622016-08-26T13:35:00.000+01:002016-08-26T13:35:50.883+01:00Riding 100 miles in London for Bloodwise!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Back in July 2015 I had just finished another gruelling cycle of high dose chemotherapy which as a Leukaemia patient means spending around a month in hospital.</div>
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My husband had signed up for the Prudential Ride London before my shock diagnosis for the charity Children with Cancer as close friends of ours had lost their beloved son to this. At the time when he had registered we never dreamed what lay ahead, planning a family weekend in London and booking a hotel.</div>
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When the time came my husband took my daughter with his sister and family while I stayed at home with a friend looking after me. I remember speaking to him after he'd finished and he sounded really flat as I wasn't there to meet him. We were both really emotional but neither cried probably not wanting to upset the other!</div>
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So fast forward through the most traumatic year of our lives to the Prudential London 100 2016 and here we are together as a family. I think we are still a little shell shocked from it all as my diagnosis was so sudden and I'd only been unwell for a couple of weeks.</div>
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We went to the Excel centre the day before to register where we listened to Sir Chris Hoy chatting about cycling and had the opportunity to meet him at the end. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meeting Cycling legend Sir Chris Hoy</td></tr>
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While waiting for my husband on the Mall, there was a great atmosphere with a DJ playing brilliant tunes! I had a great time dancing around embarrassing my daughter and nephew, it struck me that I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've felt relaxed and really laughed since my diagnosis. I find myself holding back my emotions...not daring to be happy again in case I relapse, I cannot let myself believe that I will truly be ok. Everything gets so serious and you get used to seeing everyday as a struggle.</div>
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We were approached by a French lady as she saw my daughters Bloodwise t-shirt and although she didn't speak much English she was able to communicate that she understood what it meant and had been touched by blood cancer.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The trusty steed!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Outside Buckingham Palace after completing the Ride London</td></tr>
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When we at Buckingham Palace another cyclist came up to us as he's spotted our Bloodwise tops and told us he does triathlons etc for Bloodwise, it was lovely to chat to him. Although I saw lots of Bloodwise riders while waiting on the Mall we didn't see anymore after this and unfortunately we were unable to go to the after party. Next year we will definately be going as we'd love to meet others who've been through what we have.</div>
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Later on once my husband had recovered and we'd had something to eat we were in Leicester Square with my family when my daughter was approached by a man who it turned out had lost a close friend to blood cancer. He'd noticed that she was wearing a Bloodwise t-shirt and wanted to say thank you, it was heartwarming to be able to share stories and even though his wasn't a positive one I am glad we were able to tell him that we are doing all we can to beat blood cancer. <br />
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My husband was really happy with his time and will be signing up for next year, since he's done it several of his cycling buddies have told us they want to sign up for next year and will be cycling for Bloodwise too! Words cannot express how much this means to me.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-47219288931435418932016-08-09T11:23:00.002+01:002016-08-09T11:27:50.861+01:00Testing my stamina being a Tourist #lifeaftercancer<div style="text-align: justify;">
Last weekend we visited London which was a bit of a milestone for us. This time last year I was still enduring the brutal AML treatment making me so weak I wasn't allowed to climb my stairs without a chaperone! Sadly my Husband and Daughter had to make the trip without me. This trip was the first time I had really tested my stamina since finishing treatment and it failed after day one! Since my diagnosis I've developed this need to be near home where I feel safe so haven't ventured far. The thought of travelling abroad fills me with sheer panic, yes it seems irrational but that's me!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These feet have walked miles and miles</td></tr>
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The main reason for our trip was for my husband to take part in the Prudential London 100 riding for Bloodwise, he raised £700. When he finished last year there was no one there to cheer him on or meet him at the end, at the time I asked him how it felt to finish such a great ride and he replied 'it's a bit of an anticlimax as I'm all alone...' I will write a separate post about the London ride and all the good things that came out of it.</div>
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On our train journey we met and got talking to a lady about everything that's happened, she was really interested and asked lots of questions about blood cancer and Bloodwise. The conversation started when she asked why we were travelling to London and just developed naturally, people are usually really interested which is always heart warming.</div>
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I love London, the history, culture and buzz...normally but this was my first time since being ill and I did find it overwhelmingly tiring very quickly. I enjoyed our time so don't get me wrong it was just hard for me to at times...I was on a rollercoaster of emotions. From being on a high at coming so far to fighting back tears of frustration at still being so physically and emotionally drained. With flashbacks from the most random triggers to wanting to run and jump for joy as I had spent months trapped in hospital craving the outside world. Memories of how dejected I felt when I had lost total confidence in my own body, that awful feeling of being out of breath at the smallest activity. Buried feelings of panic and fear began to rise up.</div>
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While we were walking on the Mall I saw a young woman on crutches with no hair, I assume from some sort of cancer treatment, slowing making her way along, immediately my mind went back to when I was so weak I couldn't go to the bathroom unaided or get out of bed. A picture flashed into my mind of me laid on the settee looking like a skeleton. I really hope things get better for her soon whoever she was.</div>
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My Aunt, Uncle and Cousins made the trip in to meet with us which was lovely, my illness has meant that we have seen a lot more of each other. My Aunt and I talked about what I am doing with my life now and it was lovely to hear how proud of me she is and how she admires the way I have turned this awful experience into something positive. This is always lovely to hear and I'm always interested to hear how I come across to others taking note of any points they make.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ma Famille Selfie!</td></tr>
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The whole weekend was a reminder that even though I have come a long way I still have a lot more recovering to do, my energy levels are so low it's ridiculous after one day, this was a three day trip. Where most people revived after a good night's sleep my legs still felt like lead and part of me just wanted to give up and surrender to the black cloud of hopelessness that follows so close to me most of the time. I have no idea where I found the strength not to have a complete melt down at times when going up and down steps in the tube, walking the busy streets and thoughts flying around in my mind.</div>
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Another problem is the mental fatigue, my inability at times to process information and think clearly. Sometimes this is hard for those around me to understand as I am normally pretty switched on and they have been used to me being in control. I have to keep reminding them why sometimes I need to be led and not be the leader. This is where adjusting to the 'new you' comes in...for you and your husband, family and friends. When you finish your treatment and have hair again it is easy for them to relax back into the old relationship dynamics...I am going to write a separate post on this!<br />
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So this little trip is another step in my recovery, another little milestone to celebrate...I did it even though it was tough, guess it also means yet again I have proved to myself how strong I can be! It was a weekend of mixed emotions, quality time with my loving family therefore feeling emotional and happy yet at the same time worrying that I will ever 'get over this'. We are going to visit again next year so it will be interesting to see how I feel then...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More walking</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cousins</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Waiting for the train</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There is a similar picture taken of<br />
my husband and daughter last<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-83608815688332597882016-08-07T23:36:00.000+01:002016-08-07T23:36:16.440+01:00Anna Mamwell's online blog on surviving leukaemiaI took part in Sam Heughan's #MyPeakChallenge this year and was featured in a few newspaper articles.<br />
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Here is a link to one of them.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/Help-cancer-sufferer-Anna-Mamwell-10-000-hits/story-29298947-detail/story.html#xSvmz5L5Elz5KLdj.15">Help cancer sufferer Anna Mamwell get 10,000 hits on her online blog on surviving leukaemia</a><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-64940759655003402792016-08-07T23:25:00.000+01:002016-08-07T23:25:36.015+01:00Facebook posts from Bloodwise #BloodwiseCandle<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18408960197143596195noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255588467991546859.post-15914884695030154592016-08-07T23:23:00.000+01:002017-02-01T17:57:42.355+00:00Quotes by Butterfly in Remission #CancerSurvivor<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I love to write quotes, etc to express how I am feeling and sometimes they are really positive and sometimes not so much! As always I would love to know what you think so please contact me via the email form on this blog...mwah #ButterflyinRemission</div>
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