Stomach Churning Check Ups!

Even as I write this my nerves are kicking in!

Today I went for one of my check ups, I have have them every 8 weeks so you would think that I would be used them by now.  However this time it really got to me, I've been really busy lately so hadn't given it much thought until the night before.  No matter how many times I tell myself it will be ok doubt still creeps in and takes over.

When I was walking up to the entrance of the hospital my mind flashed back to the night when I had first been admitted.  It all happened so suddenly, the phone call from my GP telling me something was wrong with my blood and the first night in hospital totally unaware of what was happening inside my body.  I wasn't told I had Leukaemia until the next day after a bone marrow biopsy confirmed it.

At that moment while approaching the entrance I felt like an onlooker watching a scene unfolding in front of me; there I was getting out of the car and into a wheelchair at the entrance then being pushed inside by my mum.  A mash up of thoughts run through my mind like butterflies caught in a hurricane!

I arrive at the Haematology Clinic and check in with that familiar sick, shaky feeling but, I put on my best 'I'm fine' face.  I have perfected it over the past few months, that 'I am totally in control and not scared at all' face.  

After having some bloods taken I wait nervously for them to be looked at and my consultant to give me the results.  When he calls me through and we go to his room I sit trying to read his mind, my adrenaline pumping in case I need to run from the bad news he could give me.   Finally he looks at me and smiles telling me my bloods are fine and looking really good.  Relief floods through me like the blood pumping around my body...ironic as it was the very thing that failed me.  Walking from the hospital I could cry with happiness I feel light headed like a massive weight has been lifted, however I know I will go through all these emotions again in 8 weeks time!  Life is a rollercoaster!

On this occasion I spot another patient who was diagnosed with the same as me so I had met in hospital.  It is like seeing old friends and is always very emotional as we have something in common which not many people I know can understand.  How it feels to have your life suddenly turned upside down with a diagnosis you neither understand nor expect to hear in a million years.  AML is so aggressive that one minute you are fine, the next you are facing your own mortality.  It's hard to put into words how it feels...perhaps like suddenly being in a really bad car accident and spending months on life support?  We compare how we feel and talk opening about how we are coping and it makes me feel a lot more comfortable knowing they feel the same.  

I've have now become part of a lovely 'Blood Cancer Family' and have met some wonderful, brave, kind people.  I know it has come from something so terrible, but I am truly happy to have met every single one.  Everyday I think about how remarkable this is and wonder if I am the only one who thinks this way, some people probably think I am weird but it makes my heart happy.  And I guess it's the fighter in me telling me I have a lot to live for!

I took this pic after my appointment

My Peak Challenge & Sam Heughan

Scottish actor, Sam Heughan, who is currently starring in Outlander is a Bloodwise supporter and has done a lot for the charity over the past few years.  He started My Peak Challenge which I was asked to take part in this year!  And the good news is that all the money raised during this year's challenge is going towards research into improving the lives of Acute Myeloid Leukaemia patients.  AML is the blood cancer I was diagnosed with so this makes this year's challenge a lot more personal for me.

Read below for more on My Peak Challenge and what was involved.  You could take part next year too!

Below are links to a couple of articles relating to the charity
My Peak Challenge funds raises £225k

My Contribution to My Peak Challenge

This article below is from the Bloodwise website about my part in the challenge;

Leukaemia patient and Bloodwise blogger Anna Mamwell is celebrating the end of her treatment by taking part in My Peak Challenge in support of the charity. 

The 40 year-old has set herself the target of reaching 10,000 views of her blog about life with leukaemia, to raise awareness of the disease and as part of the national fundraising campaign which encourages individuals to choose their own challenge to carry out during May whilst raising money for Bloodwise.

My Peak Challenge was created by Scottish actor and star of hit TV series Outlander, Sam Heughan. Since its began in 2015, it has raised over £200,000 for Bloodwise, the charity Sam has supported for a number of years.

For Anna, My Peak Challenge has given her additional motivation to really shine a spotlight on the ups and downs of her cancer story, and provide support and reassurance to other patients and their loved ones. Reflecting on her diagnosis with acute myeloid leukaemia (AML) in April 2015, she says:

“I had been feeling ill with flu-like symptoms so booked an appointment with a nurse, who gave me antibiotics and suggested a blood test. Later that evening my GP called to say there was an abnormality in my blood and that I needed to go to hospital immediately. Even at that point I didn’t think it could be cancer.

“When I was admitted they took more bloods, the IV antibiotics started and I was told I had sepsis.  The next morning I had a bone marrow biopsy then a couple of hours later the consultant told me I had AML and needed to start chemotherapy immediately. My husband started crying but I was so shocked and numb as I just couldn't take it in.” 

Anna's blog is an honest and open account about how day-to-day life has changed for her and her family, and reflects the often hidden impact that blood cancer can have on the 38,000 people diagnosed with the disease each year:

“One of the hardest things about having blood cancer was feeling totally out of my depth as a parent to our daughter. I missed her first dance show as I was in hospital under neutropenic care and I was often too ill to speak with her or comfort her as a mother should.

“I also lost my long blonde hair during the treatment, and found myself with short brown hair. I went to a funeral recently and a few people didn’t recognise me at first, it was such a dramatic image change!”

“As well as sharing cancer's 'other side', this blog is my way of raising awareness of blood cancer symptoms, as early diagnosis is crucial.” she continues.

Andy Jackson, who was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukaemia in 2003 and is now Digital Patient Experience Officer at Bloodwise, says: “When you are diagnosed with something like blood cancer you sometimes don’t know where to turn or what to feel. It can all be a little overwhelming and the terminology and procedures being explained to you are scary and often explained in terms that you don’t immediately understand.

“This is where Anna’s blog is so helpful as she describes things in a way that can be understood and comforting to hear, as well as providing a real insight into what it is really like to experience blood cancer as a patient.”

To read and share Anna's blog please visit www.annasbloodcancer.blogspot.com.

To find out more about My Peak Challenge please visit  www.mypeakchallenge.co.uk.