My Very Small World!!

So we've all heard the phrase...'It's a small world' right???  Well my experience was not the usual meaning of the phrase but the fact that my world had literally become very, very small.  With Leukaemia your body's immunity is extremely compromised meaning weeks and weeks in hospital. At times I was so vulnerable that I was kept in isolation, not able to eat certain things in case I caught an infection from it.  I had to be careful not to catch any germs from anyone meaning I often didn't have physical contact even with my daughter, it was heartbreaking.  

A lot of the time my only view of the outside world was the balcony situated off the ward I was staying on.  It was only small but the nursing staff with donations from patients had tried their best to make it nice with some benches and pot plants.

  

The feeling of being trapped and going 'stir crazy' was at times unbearable having been used to be able to come and go as I pleased, my freedom is another thing that I took for granted!   I was occasionally allowed to go to the hospital shop and sit in the main reception if my neutrophil count was above a certain level, this was my only 'break' from the ward. Apart from feeling a little uncomfortable as I was in my pyjamas and dressing gown I did enjoy this little bit of freedom.  We would sit and people watch while having a drink and sometimes see people that we knew. However, at times I would become so anxious as I felt so scared, vulnerable and exhausted that I would panic and want to go back to the ward!

When I arrived back on the ward after my 'day trip' I would often joke with the Doctors and Nurses that I had missed them and decided not to escape...this time!  One of the things that I love about my medical team including my consultant, registrar and nurses is that we always manage to have some banter and laugh a lot, it's was great that they join in understanding my sense of humour!  When you are going through this hell laughing really is a good thing, it brings people together no matter what their position, background or the treatment they are enduring.  Sometimes we all find the same things funny, I would find that cracking a joke would often break the ice.

My daughter was due to perform in a Dance Show which unfortunately I missed as I was in hospital so often practised while we were out here.

Admiring the view!