Words & Life Quotes to Inspire ... #amwriting

I have always loved reading quotes and often go to them when I am feeling a little low and in need of inspiration.  Here are some written by me...I find it extremely therapeutic and my go to stress buster.

Mine are written from my life experiences and being a Leukaemia survivor, Mum, wife, friend and obsessive with a varied career background there is quite a lot for me to draw from...enjoy

Hope you have enjoyed these and at least felt a little inspired or less alone...please leave a comment as I would love to hear from you...Butterfly

The Truth... To Tell or Not To Tell?

Am I really doing the right thing by lying to my child about the reality of life?


This question often comes into my mind, are we really doing the right thing by protecting our children from the realities of life?  Probably because of what my family has been through due to my Leukaemia battle it's more relevant for us.

We were forced into this dilemma with my daughter when I was very suddenly diagnosed with aggressive Leukaemia.  Suddenly we were faced with one of life's realities, mortality.  I found I couldn't tell her 'everything will be ok and not to worry' because actually that wasn't true and I couldn't hide it. I was to spend months in hospital and was gravely ill.  That safety curtain (which we all know is just a facade) protecting her from experiencing loss, hurt and fear was gone...forever. It wasn't easy and took real courage to ruin my child's rose tinted view of the world.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and to watch her little face as it all sunk in was heartbreaking but I had no choice, I had to prepare her.  And now I can't tell her that my cancer won't come back because there is a good chance that it might. Then if it does where will that leave her trust and belief in me?

I do wonder though if protecting our children from some things is the right thing, is it really preparing them for life? Are we doing them any favours in the long run?  Isn't part of being a parent giving your child life skills and preparing them for what might lie ahead?  I'm not talking about totally destroying their innocence and happiness but, maybe just being more honest.

My daughter has a very inquisitive mind and has asked some very unnerving questions.  'Is there going to be a World War 3?' is her latest one.  Even though I choose my words carefully  I find myself being more honest with her because I don't want her to spend years, like I did, searching for the perfect life that just doesn't exist. I feel that rather than protecting her from the reality I should be telling her that life is full of challenges and heartbreak as well as breathtaking experiences and good times? I feel that as long as I make it clear that there are many amazing things in life as well as times when you question the meaning of it she will believe that when something bad happens she will get through it and perhaps see it as a positive life lesson.

As a child I grew up believing in fairy tales, often writing my own stories, assuming that when you became an adult you had the career you wanted, found love, got married, had a family and boom...life sorted!  And yes of course all the tough times (once I came out of the other side) made me more resilient but could some of these situations have been avoided?

When in my mid 20's, finding the sudden realities of life really tough, I remember thinking 'Why didn't anyone tell me what life was really like?'  At times I wished my parents had been more honest or perhaps more open at least.  Some of the realities of life came as a real shock to me and what hit me mostly was feeling desperately let down by life.

My parents were very good at hiding their struggles and I have since learnt that there were many; the burden of having to make ends meet along with the everyday challenges of life in general.  Obviously as a child you see things from a very childish point of view and part of being a grown up is understanding and appreciating what your parents did.  I don't think it was a conscious decision on their part but just a natural instinct.  When I look back I was totally unaware of any difficulties.

For my child I want to be her sanctuary, where she can seek refuge and have the confidence to talk openly about her fears.  If she has this shelter to retreat to she will always find a way to get through.  I want to her to grow up with as happy a life as possible but with her eyes wide open and well equipped to cope with the challenges she will face.   I always make sure she knows she is loved even when I am cross with her, this is so important to me above everything.

As far as I'm concerned this blog is about my thoughts and is in no way meant as me taking the high ground or claiming to be some sort of parenting guru.  I am just a mother who is doing the best she can and like the rest of us winging it a lot of the time.  Being a parent is one of the toughest things you will ever do so all you can do is your best.

Actually I have been 'Hit by a Bus' #Leukaemia

As many cancer fighters, survivors and people fighting other life threatening illnesses will know some comments, phrases or misguided efforts at making you feel better actually have the opposite effect.  Some now aren't really applicable anymore, this is yet another 'after effect' of cancer...finding phrases and sayings either really resonate, make you want to scream or laugh at the irony.

One of these comments is the popular 'any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow' ... While I really appreciate that this is meant in the most supportive and compassionate way it actually doesn't help and often leaves me feeling more alone. Before I wrote this I did speak to my fellow cancer friends about it to get a feel for whether or not I was being oversensitive.  You see its actually not applicable to us now as we have been hit by that proverbial bus!  There are other comments that are also unhelpful but I will write about them in a different post.

Someone used this phrase the other day and as I watched her walk away all I can think was...'don't you see I have been hit by that bus...don't you get it...it's alright for you because you are walking around thinking it will never happen to you...like I used to too.  You have no idea that what you just said makes me want to scream 'It's not applicable to me anymore...can't you see I have been hit!'

Whenever you cross a road do you not look and make your own decision on whether or not it is safe to cross?  Did I make the choice to develop cancer?  When you are going about your daily lives you a certain amount of control over your own safety...when crossing a road, standing at a bus stop or driving your car.  You can take extra care, look twice or avoid trouble spots.  I was in London the other day with friends and when it came to crossing a road funnily enough a bus came speeding along so we stepped back and I actually put my hand on my friends arm to make sure she was out of harms way...it's a natural instinct.

But when it comes to the 'cancer bus' no amount of being careful or a friends hand on my arm would have changed a thing.  I had no control over what my own body did to me, how it turned against me, my own bone marrow.  BONE MARROW FAILURE, yes 90% of it was not functioning and without healthy blood cells your body fails, yours organs fail...life fails.  Not only that but these dangerous cancer cells were dispersed around my body via my bloodstream, normally a vital but, potentially spreading the cancer all over my body, using each and every vein to infect you.

Also this 'bus' is likely to come and hit me again...how many times have you heard of someone being hit by a bus twice?  I live in fear of being hit again and am constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for its impact.

When offering words of comfort to someone whose been diagnosed by cancer perhaps think carefully before saying 'Of course any of us could be hit by a bus at any time.'  Don't try to generalise it, to make it sound like it doesn't matter, it was inevitable anyway and that being so makes it ok that you've been hit by a life threatening, life changing disease.

So where did this phrase come from anyway?? Here's what I found out;

A generic rather than literal example of misfortune, verbal shorthand to indicate that none of us know our future, that a catastrophe is merely an involuntary act of fate.  Casually used to refer to an unexpected death, illness, debilitating injury yet without making it seem grim.

According to Wikipedia it was first used in the novel 'The Secret Agent' by Joseph Conrad; "But just try to understand that it was a pure accident; as much as if he had been run over by a bus while crossing the street."

This term is also used a lot in business management meaning that there must always be a contingency plan in case someone in the team is taken ill, leaves, etc unexpectedly.  And the definition from the newly popular Urban Dictionary is 'Used instead of the word Stupid' For example; 'OMG this mobile is so getting hit by a bus.' when said mobile isn't working properly.

Thanks for taking time out of your day to read this...love Butterfly